WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
