he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
