the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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