I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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