im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
