just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
