i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
