He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
