i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize