I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
