you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
