there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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