He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize