Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am one with the molecules
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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