I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
