Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
