Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
