And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
