Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's blow job season.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
