whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
