we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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