I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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