So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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