my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
