he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Houston, we have a blender
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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