his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He kissed a someone with a penis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
