my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize