you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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