He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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