My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize