Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
