don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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