I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
