I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
