Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
