im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
