wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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