i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
