...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
