My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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