I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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