I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
