It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
