there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
