I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My liver just broke up with me...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
