I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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