That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
