Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
