is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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