Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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