Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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