If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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