we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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