I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
