playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its liver damage thursday
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
