he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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