omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she smelled like a LAN party
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
