If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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