Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
