your parents love me but you hate me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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