well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
