found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
