I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
