Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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