that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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