At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize