I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
