I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize