I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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