After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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