i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize