WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
