Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
