he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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