Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
