so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
