"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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