Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
