there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
